Silent Meditation

On Wednesday I watched a video by a YouTuber whom I enjoy, TheBurgerkrieg. It's a guided meditation video to help overcome panic/anxiety attacks. As someone who has consumptive panic and anxiety from time to time--when it happens it feels like I'm shutting down and can't think straight--I decided to listen along with it. 

In the end, I found it very, very soothing. In particular, the focus on breathing and the sensations of inhaling and exhaling felt stabilizing. It felt like I could anchor myself by focusing on the breath. Even when thoughts intruded into my head and distracted me, it was ok. Everyone has those thoughts, and they will pass. "Let them be there."

I decided today to try silent meditation on my own. I set a timer for ten minutes, took off my glasses, shut off the lights in my room, closed my eyes, and focused on breathing. In, out. In, out. In, out. I just kept focusing on the breath, kept breathing in and breathing out, until the timer went off.

Now, I don't have any dramatic, third eye-opening account of enlightenment to relate here. It was nothing like that. There was no satori--no sudden moment of enlightenment or ascendance into a plane of higher being, or anything like what you hear from the average New Ageist. However, when I did wake, it felt for a moment like I had a very foreign feeling. Everything felt different. Perhaps it was because of the evening getting darker, but I felt like I had stepped into a new world. I felt completely at ease. Nothing about me felt perturbed or tired. It felt as though I had undergone a bit of spiritual tidying up, a reset that allowed me to calm myself and unburden the little stresses that I accumulate over time.

I have a feeling that ten minutes of silent meditation will help me become more aware of myself--my body, my thoughts, and the external stimuli to which mind and body respond--and so I plan to do it daily. I consider it a mental/spiritual exercise, a complement to my physical exercises. 

Mens sana in corpore sano.